5 films with No Rewatch Value

5 movies I will NEVER sit through again

When I critique movies, I recommend them for others to see and to make their own opinion on them and to either agree with me or not. But when you see a film I reviewed, will you buy it on DVD and Blu Ray to watch it repeatedly or will you hate it and never want anything to do with it again? While there are a few bad movies out there I could watch again (Plan 9 from Outer Space) here are 5 movies that are just so GodAwful I will never even bother to watch a clip of it on YouTube.

1. The Box
Remember that 30 minute Twilight Zone episode where this couple is given a box and all they have to do is push it and win $200,000 dollars? But the catch is; someone whom they don't know will die. The couple argue about it for the entire episode until the woman finally pushes the button and they win the money, getting a forewarning that the button will be reprogrammed and given to "Someone whom they don't know". Now did you ever want to see a 2 hour movie about that Twilight Zone episode? Of course not! Well they did and wouldn't you know it; they screwed up royal! Horrid acting, convoluted story-telling and a ridiculous "twist". This is why you shouldn't make a whole movie based on one episode of a television show.

2. Twilight New Moon
As much as I hate Twilight, I will admit that the first film does have rewatch value but at a low recommendation. But let me tell ya; compared to it's sequel; Twilight was so bad that it was decent. New Moon is annoying, awful, and terribly written. I could have written a better screenplay with a bear clawing my back, piranhas on my fingers and a black mamba biting the inside of my stomach while riding on a cheetah. This was so, so, SO bad beyond bad. I have no idea what anybody who liked this movie was on either but I imagine they must still be recovering from the hangover...

3. Judd Apatow films
No. I'm not gonna take that back. I hate this guy and his movies. Sure, his films can get a few chuckles out of me and they have may have charming aspects which they explore but I FUCKING HATE HIS MOVIES!!!!!! "Anchorman", "The 40-Year-Old Virgin", "Talladega Nights", "Knocked Up", "Superbad", "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", "Pineapple Express" and "Funny People". Yeah, they are terrible. They annoy me, they piss me off, they don't make me genuinely laugh and they're disgusting! But people keep eating up these movies like popcorn; but not me. I hate these movies and you can't convince me otherwise. Oh yeah, I hate Walk Hard too but the only thing I found funny about that film was Jack White as Elvis.

4. Stan Helsing
"Epic Movie", "Date Movie", "Disaster Movie", "Meet the Spartans" and "Vampires Suck" are considered the worst comedies made by notorious filmmakers Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. But barely anybody goes off and rants on this film that didn't even see a theatrical release. Why not? You see this and you'll be just as pissed off. It has all the unfunny things left over for the producer of the Scary Movie films. If you think having a film mocking Van Helsing and having all these famous movie monsters exaggerated is an insult to your intelligence; this film even has the late Leslie Nielsen. Poor, poor Nielsen. To die and have this on his resume is just embarrassing...

5. Lady in the Water
M Night Shyamalan has been getting a reputation as the worst director ever. Which is sad cause while his films are bad, they're at least, to me, rewatchable just to point out the idiotic and convoluted parts. Sure, even "Last Airbender", which is admittedly the most disappointing movie of the decade, is a film I would watch again just to laugh at how bad it us. This film...oh Lord what was he thinking? Aliens in pools? This wouldn't be nearly as bad if he didn't insert himself into the movie as "Humanity's savior". If you thought "Last Airbender" was M Night's worst; no man; that so bad that it was at least funny to laugh at everything he does wrong: Lady in the Water? That is where his career just killed itself...

So do me a favor and watch some GOOD movies that aren't wastes of time or intelligence.