Creature From The Haunted Sea - Cult Corner Review

Greetings and welcome to Cult Corner, the Corner you Pray to God you never get sent to and thank you for sticking with me in this year's October-a-thon.

I cannot believe that in the three years I've been doing Cult Corner Reviews, I have not once touched on the King of B-Movies: Roger Corman.

While Corman got his start creating films adapted off of the poems of Edgar Allen Poe and starring big name actors like Vincent Price, Boris Karloff and Peter Lorre, his name stuck with creating low budget B Movies. Such films he helmed in the 1950's includes the likes of "Attack of the Crab Monsters," "The Wasp Woman," "The Terror," "Little Shop of Horrors," and "The St. Valentine's Day Massacre."
These films are bad, I won't lie to you, but Corman's preference to make a movie under a determined low budget in a limited amount of time to make the movie is brilliant to say the least. It's that kind of fast work that makes a film school student like myself jealous. But his efforts don't only stem from his time as a director, but also producing movies and looking at his IMDB page…damn, there's just too many to name but here's a few you might have heard of: "Boxcar Bertha," "Targets," "Death Race 2000" as well as it's 2008 remake, "Piranha," "Battle Beyond the Stars," "Galaxy of Terror," "Forbidden World," "Sharktopus" and that's not counting the foreign films Corman brought over to America using his money like "Fantastic Planet." This is a man who can produce a movie every year and you wouldn't even know the movie was done by him.
But here's the impressive thing: this man is 87 years old,
AND HE IS STILL MAKING MOVIES.
No joke, look at the man's IMDB page, he's got two movies expected to come out this year and an action movie called "Water Wars" coming out next year that cost $1 million. The man's reputation is so widely known, he received an Honorary Academy Award in 2009.

But there is another reason why Roger Corman is a widely celebrated filmmaker; because numerous filmmakers owe their careers to Corman who took them under his wing to teach them the ways of the Force, I mean, of Film. Want some names of people he's trained? Okay.
Francis Ford Coppola, Martin Scorsese, Ron Howard, Paul Bartel, Jonathan Demme, Joe Dante, James Cameron, Curtis Hanson, Timur Bekmambetov and screenwriter and producer Gale Anne Hurd and screenwriter Robert Towne. Not only that, many big name actors got their start because of Corman: Jack Nicholson, Dennis Hopper, Talia Shire, Sandra Bullock, Robert De Niro, Peter Fonda and David Carradine.

Simply put, Roger Corman IS the most important name in cinema that brought a new generation of filmmakers in the film industry to counter the old Hollywood system and bring forth the New Hollywood in the 1970's. He continues to mentor and teach new filmmakers how to make movies by giving them a limited budget and time to film and edit the movie. Even if his movies aren't very good, Corman is a man with intense passion for movie-making and so much advice to give to young people. He's the kind of guy you want to teach one of your classes. Roger Corman is an important name in the history of cinema for his impact of giving countless directors and actors their start.

But I think I've already delayed the review itself, what Roger Corman movie have I chosen for October-a-Thon?
The movie that has the poster on my DVD box set for The Roger Corman Drive-In Collection; 1961's "Creature from the Haunted Sea."

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The movie opens up with someone receiving a shoe shine ("yah, yah, track Thirty-Nine!"), actually this shoeshine slips something into his client's sock as the two part way, at least before the shoe shine gets shot down by The Guild of Kickin' Beards, ah yes, good times those guys. Sadly they revoked my membership when I shaved off my goatee.
They chase after the other guy who gives them the slip by, gasp, climbing up the fire escape! Why didn't Neo try that to escape from Agents? Well, using this temporary escape, he looks at what the shoeshine slipped into his sock. A note that says "Santo Dom ingo Bar XK 120." He then eats the note, which sounds very crunchy. I've eaten paper guys, trust me, it's not very crunchy and when it goes through ya, your ass is never going to forgive you.
Then the narrator takes over to give explanation for something that we sorta already figured out or could have just been told in the next scene, but knowing Roger Corman, he probably didn't have the time to shoot all that. Well, the dude puts on the most convincing mustache and sunglasses I've ever seen as he casually walks into this bar to look for this secret agent. Oh by the way, our main character and narrator is XK 150, played by Robert Towne, the man who would go on to write the critically acclaimed Oscar-winning screenplay "Chinatown" as well as "Reds," "Mission Impossible" and "The Firm." Yet here he is, playing this stiff secret agent who looks like he walked off the the casting set for Miami Vice saying more laughable dialogue than what George Lucas could write.
XK 150: "She was beautiful. I could kill myself for wearing this disguise..."
Alec: "Now, now buddy, there's no need for that…..just slap yourself and throw cold water in your face as punishment for wearing such a ridiculous mustache."
Well, they kiss, for some random reason, he trips on the stairs and then the title finally pops up…so yeah, would you at all suspect you were watching a movie about a monster for the sea with an opening like that? That's like if you opened up "The Lord of the Rings" with a Courtroom drama, or opening "Saw" with a pie in the face gag, or opening "Star Wars" with a boring trade dispute- ah damn it, that did happen…why do I keep referencing this movie?

Well, after that, apparently the movie decides to become an animated movie as it explains that the Cuban revolution has made things different in Cuba as it explains that certain goods and treasures would be snuck out of Cuba through secret meetings and "this story begins with such a meeting." It then cuts to these people driving out to meet these guys in the dark to…talk…about…stuff…is this thing the creature? No? sigh* this is gonna be a long movie…
So they talk, they comedically trade off gold with too much drumming than necessary as they make the deposit and they drive off. Look at the Creature from the haunted Sea, there are no creatures from the haunted sea. But there is an exciting chase scene with the Cuban government guys and the people in the car. So much exciting that it's all shot at night time so that you can't see anything.
Then we cut to a boat at daytime, did escaping the Cubans really take that long or could Corman only acquire the boat in the day time?
So the gold is now in the hands of Renzo Capetto (Anthony Carbone), "the most trustworthy man to be imported from Cuba." There's a joke to be made here, but I can't think of one since the sound seems to cut out. I'd probably have more fun with this if I have some Mystery Science Theater 3000 commentary to keep my interest, but it looks like I'll be by myself this time….

So the narrator lists off the characters who may or may not be body bags in this movie. The dude who looks like Humphrey Bogart only without the complexion is Renzo Capetto, the woman who can't seem to decide on her accent is Mary-Belle Monahan (Betsy Jones-Moreland), the guy with the white/red striped shirt is her brother, Happy Jack Monahan (Robert Bean), the dude with the other striped shirt and bad hair and annoying animal sound effects is Pete Peterson Jr. (Beach Dickerson) as well as other people who will not be named and you wont' care for that matter.
Renzo decides he wants to get rid of half of the Cubans on his boat, he then recalls that a writer named Hemingway was fishing out in these waters years ago when he "hooked a sea monster" that got him some publicity………………………..this movie came out in in June 1961……………………….Nobel Prize Winner Ernest Hemingway took his life on July 2, 1961…………..one month later……………………..I know they're making an obvious reference to Hemingway's "The Old Man and the Sea," but right now, I'm too disgusted to comment……………….

So Renzo plots to make the Cubans think they are being killed my a sea monster instead of just, ya know, waiting till night, take all their weapons, force them up on deck and just put a bullet in their heads and toss them over the side of the ship, but that'd be too easy. Pete gives a dog bark of approval to this stupid plan.
Happy Jack: "Does he have to do that?"
Alec: "Not really, but it's the only defining characteristic the writer could give him."

But XK150 overhears them and…..well I don't know, he claims he couldn't hear anything through that door, but they sounded pretty vocal about their plans but he decides it's up to him to stop them…or you could tell the Cubans about this stupid plan all while Renzo and Mary-Belle keep dropping boring dialogue…see the Creature? There is no creature. 19 minutes people, 19 minutes.
XK150 uses a makeshift radio using his McGuyver kit to send a message to Havana that sums up the last 20 minutes: "…so far, nothing is happening…."

So Mary-Belle sits around in a swim suit while the Cuban General tries to flirt with her, without success, XK150 tries to convince her to get out of this life of crime, also without success. Then that night, Renzo and his men actually go through with this stupid plan of killing a Cuban onboard by using a toilet plunger to make circular tracks on the boat and killing the guy with a rake, cause you tend to bring those things on a boat, right? But unbeknownst to them, a monster that's a little hard to see, but looks really goofy does indeed arrive as it just….hugs a guy to death as Pete wakes everyone up with his animal sounds that everyone on this boat seems to hear him and wake up panicked. Give Pete some credit, he can really project his voice.
The next morning The General questions what happens and Renzo gives the story of a sea monster, but even the General's translator finds it completely preposterous, but The General, for some incredibly dumb reason, agrees with Renzo that it is a monster and tells them to plot a new course… these aren't the same Cubans that threatened the United States during the Cuban Missile Crisis are they?
So they all talk about where to go as one guy says they'll go to Bali, to which XK150 immediately contacts Havana, but not hearing the characters talk about their actual destination: Puerto Rico.

But wait? How will they escape the monster that's threatening them?
Renzo: "Now if you look at the charts, there's a lot of deep water, just north of Puerto Rico, too deep for the monster to live in."
Happy Jack: "Well how do you know he can't live in deep water?"
Alec: "THAT is an excellent question. That is a very good question."
Renzo: "Because of his feet, he's a walker, he's got to stay at the bottom, all right stupid?"
Alec: "and that is a terrible answer. You know, scallops live on the bottom of the ocean and yet when the time calls for it, they can jet themselves off the ocean floor. Besides, going off Renzo's logic, if this creature walks on the ocean floor, how did it make it's way to their boat and kill that one Cuban? Can it breathe underwater and also breathe air? Was the water too shallow? This guy is full of bullsh*t and it's a miracle that the The General is eating it all up."

The Cuban Coast Guard drives up to them so to try and act casual, XK120 tries to go fishing and Mary-Belle lip-synchs a song that seems to remove her Southern twang. This goes on for a while, it's really boring and it's just a stupid excuse for Corman to burn film stock. The Coast Guard finally come over, trying to cut off Mary-Belle's lip-synch, which keeps going as the Coast Guard just jumps on board, but XK150 tries to slap him with a fish, only to have him taken out by Happy Jack who has a machine gun, you were awfully helpful.
XK150: "You have this terrific voice."
Alec: "and it even comes with an out-of-place piano to play along with you!"
XK150 keeps trying to convince her to leave Renzo but she, again, rebuffs him.
Narrator: "She was madly in love with me only she didn't know it yet."
Alec: "Ah yes, the common phrase used by rapists to justify their actions."
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand more time is wasted, XK150 keeps trying to convince Mary-Belle to go with him, but it's clear he can't take a hint.

They start sailing past rocks as they crash into it and the editing really shows it's cheapness as the Cubans try to jump ship in a sinking boat. This brings the goofiest-looking monster I've ever seen since the Robot Monster from "Robot Monster," who comes to drag someone down below, But it then cuts to the characters in a rowboat in the most calm ocean water I've ever seen. Renzo does the stupid thing and stands up in a heavy boat which causes the chest full of gold to fall to the bottom. They make their way to an island that may or may not be Puerto Rico but there are already palm leave houses on the island. While they do that, Renzo tells Mary-Belle he plans to swim down and collect the heavy box of Cuban Gold and hide it in a corral reef, amazing that he hasn't even brought up this whole "sea creature" business since that one attack earlier.
Meanwhile, XK150 finds a working telephone on the island…yes, a telephone…on the island…this movie is kinda stupid. That's like coming across a Wall-Mart in the Sahara desert.
So he contacts XK120 and then this one guy comes up waiting in line to use the telephone, so he pretty much just uses her code name out loud in front of this dude who is watching him, this guy is supposed to be a CIA agent right? Also, more people come out of nowhere to use this telephone as this one guy with a cane walks into every puddle he can find, funny? was this supposed to make fun of something? I'm still wondering why there's a working telephone on a tropical island.

Pete makes lion growls in the jungle, allowing him to find…some woman who can make the same pointless sound effects…it's love at first sight!  We need to bring in more women in this Roger Corman movie anyway, the one we're stuck with is already boring me. Happy Jack brings with him supplies and a woman living in a sorority house, well, with three women around, repopulating shouldn't be too much of a problem.
XK150 keeps himself "busy" with sitting on coconuts as he convinces himself that Mary-Belle is "weakening" and will fall madly in love with this complete stranger who has continued to try and hit on her and convince her to leave Renzo even though she has no idea who this CIA agent is and they really have nothing in common anyway. But that gal from the sorority house comes up to him and just after learning names, the two immediately start boning each other! Holy sh*t woman! At least exchange phone numbers first! Even James Bond buys a few drinks and drops a few seductive one-liners before he gets in the ladies' pants.

So the guys get ready to go scuba diving with the Cubans who also know how to scuba dive cause they were trained for it apparently, so all the men, except for the General and XK150, swim down to the bottom to recover the chest, Renzo decides to use his bullsh*t sea monster story to kill off each of the Cubans searching underwater as he kills them with back scratchers and plungers. Back on the shore, Happy Jack tries to convince that one whore he found to come run away with him but she announces her love for this guy she boned after learning his name, I guess she finds the name "Sparks Moran" sexier than "Happy Jack."

The Cubans are undeterred and the General says they'll try again, but enough of the actual plot, let's waste time with a subplot that come right the hell out of nowhere and brings the plot railroad to a screeching halt because clearly Happy Jack needing to find some action is far more important than actually progressing this spy "thriller."
So the woman who can make animal sound effects (I don't know her name) brings Happy Jack to meet her daughter Mango…so wait, if she's your daughter, then who is the father? Is he on the island? For that matter, how long have these women been on this island? Considering this is a Roger Corman movie questions like this don't matter. Cue the seductive saxophone tune.
But then out of nowhere, the woman's husband leaps down and starts shaking "his little wife" as Pete charges in and literally uses his head against this dude whose name we never learn and he runs off. But we learn from subtitled conversations with Mango and Happy Jack that apparently Mango's mother sends men to her almost all the time as it "helps bring in the tourists" and then sell them sh*t. Ohhhhhhhhh, Lord, this is friggin' dull.
Happy Jack and Pete decide to stay here on this island and marry the girls who are only just playing with their emotions to sell them coconut hats and sandals and other useless knickknacks. So they plot to rub out everyone else, except Mary-Belle to do the house-cleaning, so they can keep the gold and open a Tennis club.

Well enough of that nothing, let's come back to the actual plot. Renzo waits for his boys to come with him to go scuba diving when that woman's husband arrives and offers to sell his wife for $50 and a case of rum which Renzo rejects before the Cubans head back down, he then gives Mary-Belle the creature claws to hold onto, right in front of the General's translator by the way, before heading down. But enough of the actual plot, it's time for the other four characters to go swimming!

Renzo finally finds the box of gold and tries to hide it, unaware he is being watched by- pfffff, HA! I'm sorry, but every time I look at this thing, I break out into laughter. This thing looks like a turd with big googley eyes. It look silk someone got it at a thrift shop. But for Roger Corman, this is to be expected. The monster decides it wants the gold but then changes it's mind and decides it wants a little bit of Mango flesh and pulls her under. This is so concerning to the others that Mango's mother just tells Happy Jack to go find her while she stays at the top concerned for her own daughter while some guy she just met today actually shows more concern.

Happy Jack accuses Renzo of murdering Mango, wait, they found the body? That must have happened in the many scenes Corman didn't film because he's cheap. Renzo insists that the didn't touch her but Happy Jack and Mary-Belle don't believe him. The next day, the group heads back down with spear guns as Renzo and his crew swim back down as they execute each one of them off-screen as the narrator does the talking for us.
The General finds the gold, but he is murdered and left for dead. Well, he sure left an impact, only and hour and 8 minutes in and I only now learned his named was Tostada. Happy Jack finds a scrap of cloth that belonged to Mango as well as the sea monster, shooting a spear into it, which doesn't really seem to harm it as it just goes and hugs it to death.

Back on the surface, Mary-Belle accuses Renzo of murdering her brother and disowns Renzo, allowing XK150 to swoop in on the rebound, right in front of the woman he's been banging off-camera. But even Mary-Belle is sick of XK150's disgusting advances so she does what I would have done days ago if I were in her position and throws him overboard, only to get thrown overboard as well.
XK150: "It was dusk, I could tell because the sun was going down."
Alec: "Well now that's insightful."
The Colonel decides he doesn't want the gold anymore and tells Renzo that he's given it up as Renzo says he just wants to go home to Italy. XK150 complains to the only other woman on this boat that "Mary-Belle hates me," this guy can't take a hint, can he? Well, he eventually decides "to hell with Mary-Belle" and he decides to stick with this woman who is throwing herself at his feet after she only learned his name. He decides to take the row boat with this woman whose name I have completely forgotten and split. Renzo tries to win back Mary-Belle, who is really forgiving despite accusing Renzo of killing her brother. But who cares? Time for the most famous shot of the movie and the reason why I chose to review it: the creature jumps out of the water and pulls Mary-Belle away while she is kissing Renzo. The Monster kills all of the remaining Cubans on the boat as Pete dies trying to fight the monster. Renzo flees as does Rosina. But does that stop this monster? Hell no, it just climbs onto the beach and kills Renzo, whether for revenge for using it's name to kill Cubans without it's permission or cause it gets it's kicks from it, I dunno.

The next day, XK150 professes his love to Carmalita, revealing to her he's an American spy, but she just accepts him, even with his salary of $41.50 a week. The final shot of the film shows the sea creature sitting on the box eating the gold, I think. Can that thing even open it's mouth? What happened to Rosina? Did the creature kill her as well? How did she even get on that island in the first place? You know what, the movie's over, questions like this are null and void at this point.

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Well…that was goofy.
But honestly, I didn't expect any less.
Corman was a cheap son of a gun and would pick extras and pay them a dollar and hour to play their parts, which is probably when a lot of scenes look as though they were shot in the day time but the movie tries to insist it's night time.

But cheapness aside, the acting is bad, the dialogue is laughable, the editing is shoddy and the Creature? PF- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I literally rolled over laughing. This thing looks so goofy, I'm convinced Corman just took a Godzilla costume out of the garbage of a costume store, glued some baseball eyes on the monster and put some seaweed on it for the effect.
Apparently, as I learn, that this was the intention to be a comedy. Well Mr Corman, is that was the intention, I would say you succeeded with the monster but not with the other acts who are so boring you might as well could have put everyone in silly costumes.

But like I said, this is a Roger Corman B-Movie. Were you expecting high art? The man could make 3-5 movies a year by recycling stock footage and music from his own movies and hiring his own camera crew to act for the same money he would pay them to work the camera or boom mike. The man is a genius when it comes to saving money and making movies that are intentionally hilarious but show hard work put into them. He is a man with passion and that passion inspired several generations of filmmakers to make some of the best movies ever made: "The Godfather," "Goodfellas," "Apollo 13," "Terminator," and "Silence of the Lambs" to name a few that owe their existence because they got their start from Roger Corman. Eventually, the Academy of Motion Pictures and Arts finally realized this and in 2009, Roger Corman received an Academy Honorary Award "for his rich engendering of films and filmmakers."
I could have picked any Roger Corman movie to review for this October-a-thon, but this was on my list for a long time and I'm glad I finally got to see it. If you're bored and you want to riff something cheesy with some friends, I recommend this movie for your Halloween viewing pleasure.