DB - The Dragonborn vs The Avatar - Pre-Fight

Lucas Zaboot: "But a prevalent question that persists in the Fantasy Role-Playing Gaming community is this: which school of Role-Playing Fantasy Hero is better? The New School or the Old School?"

Young: "In this fight, the new school being Dovahkiin, the Last Dragonborn of Skyrim."

Johnny Zealous: "And the old school being The Avatar, the Savior of Britannia."

Sly Max: "Both these guys are powerful, both are customizable and both can pick up absurdly powerful weapons and powers. So for this fight, we're giving them certain restrictions to keep it fair as well as starting them with simple weapons before they get to their better weaponry."

Young: "Dragonborn is restricted one-hit kill spells as well as weapons that absorb health, but will be allowed healing spells and potions."

Johnny Zealous: "As for The Avatar, whoo boy. We got enough restrictions to limit him back to the coded DOS programming years.

1. We are not including Ultimas 8 and 9 as The Avatar becomes a god in Ultima 8 and Ultima 9 sucks total butt. So for base powers, we are using Ultima 7 Avatar for reference as well as any powers and weapons from previous Ultima games.

2. We are omitting One-Hit-Kill spells such as "P" and "O. Zxkuqyb" from Ultima 3 as well as the Armageddon spell, which kills everyone on the planet except for The Avatar and Lord British.

3. We are not including the sci-fi weapons The Avatar finds in Ultimas 1-3 as those were just ridiculous to begin with and the games retroactively moved away from science-fiction after Ultima 4."

Lucas Zaboot: "Enough of all the rules, let's tell these shmucks about these characters!"

Young: "I couldn't agree more, I'm excited to get the ball rolling."

Johnny Zealous: "Very well then."

- -

Young: "Very little about the Dragonborn's past is known, but his career would have been cut short at his execution had a dragon not intervened and allowed him to escape."

Johnny Zealous: "Making his way to the city of Whiterun, the nameless hero agreed to aid the city guard in slaying a dragon that was harassing the town. Upon killing it, the hero absorbed the dragon's soul, revealing to the world that he was a Dragonborn, a mortal with the soul of a dragon."

Lucas Zaboot: "As well as revealing his ability to throw people off their feet by literally yelling at them! FUS RO DAH!" (punches Young in his arm)

Young: "OW! What was that for?!"

Lucas Zaboot: "Sorry! Just giving them a demonstration." 

Sly Max: "Ahem* The Dragonborn made his way to the top of the Throat of the World to learn the secrets of controlling his dragon powers, from there on, he travelled across the lands of Skyrim, ridding it from monsters, bandits, giants, Daedra and yes, dragons too."

Sly Max: "Considering Skyrim has a very wide range of weaponry, the Dragonborn shall be wielding some of the strongest gear in Skyrim."

Young: "For long-range combat, The Dragonborn carries the Enhanced Dwarven Crossbow and Auriel's Bow."

Lucas Zaboot: "Auriel's Bow has magic sh*t and shoots you full of Vitamin D when it hits ya."

Young: "Except this Vitamin D kills you."

Lucas Zaboot: "Same with anyone who lives in Alaska but you don't see them complaining."

Sly Max: "Dwarven crossbows are already devastating in Skyrim, but they're made even deadlier when in the Dawnguard DLC when they are enhanced with more damage against their enemies."

Johnny Zealous: "And taken out of the cold dead hands of Miraak himself, Miraak's Sword might not look too impressive at first glance, but when the Dragonborn swings this weapon, it grows in length, extending a tentacle for extra reach. Upon striking, it absorbs an enemy's stamina, making them grow more tired as the fight progresses."

Lucas Zaboot: "And for that damn dog who keeps shitting on your lawn, he carries Wuuthrad, which must be what Bill O'reilly wishes he named his penis after."

Young: "Isn't that what you named yours after?"

Lucas Zaboot: "Hell no! I named it Godsmack!"

Young: "I think a band already used that name,"

Lucas Zaboot: "Dicksh*t!!"

Johnny Zealous: "Naturally, as Skyrim is a big game with much to do, much to see and much to create, the most reliable armor, and easiest to get your hands on or create with the right supplies."

Young: "Such as Steel Plate armor, less chances to get stabbed in the chest, but limits how high you can jump."

Lucas Zaboot: "Just like Footlocker."

Sly Max: "After slaying a dragon, the Dragonborn absorbs the soul of the slain dragon. With these souls, the Dragonborn is capable of learning Shouts used by dragons without practice and can use these Shouts to great effect, with each Shout having a different recharge time. There are numerous"

Young: "Dragon's blood running through his veins, Dragonborn can speak words of power, or Thu'um as it's referred as, and use them for devastating effect against enemies. Like calling a lightning storm, breathing out frost and fire breaths, increasing your melee damage and giving yourself dragon scale armor, summon a dragon to help him out in combat, calling out to animals in the area to help him and-"

Lucas Zaboot: "And the always popular Unrelentin' Force! FUS RO DAH!" (smacks Young on the right side of his face)

Young: "OW! Stop that!"

Lucas Zaboot: "Hey, don't blame me! These shouts are dangerous ya'know."

Sly Max: "Not all of them. Zun Haal Viik throws the weapons of enemies out of their hands, Felm Zii Kest turns the Dragonborn incorporeal, making him appear as a ghost and he cannot be harmed as a result, Wuld Nah Kest helps the Dragonborn cover distances in a short time and then there's Lok Vah Koor which the Dragonborn used to reach the Throat of the World, this shout clears away fog, mists, or any bad weather that harms the Dragonborn."

Lucas Zaboot: "What the hell can yelling at weather do in a sword fight?"

Johnny Zealous: "Use your imagination Lucas, use your imagination."

Lucas Zaboot: "Now, of course, Dragon Shouting needs to take breaks to rest his throat, but not to fret, he can still pimp-smack the sh*t out of those bitches who keep demanding his money with his hands, like a real man would."

Johnny Zealous: "…what?"

Lucas Zaboot: "I dunno, I read it on a cigarette box once."

Young: "Um…well, despite that…odd quotation…The Dragonborn knows several spells that he can generate from one or both hands if need be."

Sly Max: "Such as throwing fireballs and bolts of lightning or spewing out a stream of cold ice that slows down enemies or, if he's taken one too many stabs, arrows or burns, he can heal himself of his injuries."

Johnny Zealous: "And if his shield can't hold out, he can create a useful shield made of magic to protect him from harm, though it can only protect what's in front of him."

Lucas Zaboot: "It can even protect against Shouts! FUS RO DAH!" (throws another punch at Young but he hits a Ward Young pulled up at that second.) "Ow! My hand! F*ck!"

Young: "Hmm, a very useful power indeed."

Sly Max: "Apart from his magic abilities, The Dragonborn is a skilled swordsman and archer as well as possessing a great talent for trail-blazing off the beaten path."

Young: "Skyrim is a huge land and with much to explore, so naturally, when exploring for hidden treasure troves and walls that possess words of power to learn and locate bandit encampments, the options are essentially endless when you have a world that lets you do almost anything and don't' get me started on the DLC."

Lucas Zaboot: "The guy may be a powerhouse, but he's still as fragile as any other sh*thead."

Young: "Although Dragonborn's powers and abilities are impressive, he can still take on damage and feel fatigue like anyone else. His magic has a limit, though it can be refilled with potions and certain enchanted tools."

Johnny Zealous: "The Dragonborn is also susceptible to poison attacks, he can recover from them over a period of time depending on their weakness of their lethality, any stronger poisons and he requires an antidote, granted if he brought one…"

Sly Max: "And then there comes the issue with the Shout Cooldown. Sure, there is a way to have unlimited Shouts, but that requires a lot of f*cking around with the inventory and since Death Battle went through some changes, we upgraded our computers to fix this patch."

Young: "But whatever his weaknesses are, The Dragonborn has proven time and time again his strength always pulls him through anything the dangers of Skyrim throws at him and push back just as hard."

- - - -

Johnny Zealous: "Perhaps no other game franchise can lay claim to influencing the RPG genre like Richard Garriott's baby, Ultima, with it's morally bound and stalwart hero, The Avatar."

Lucas Zaboot: "Long ago, the Four Nations lived in harmony or whatever until these douce ages called the Fire Nation got conscious about their tiny penis and attacked everyone. The only dude to stop them was the Avatar, but he pissed off like a prick-"

Johnny Zealous: "Uh, Lucas, that's not The Avatar."

Lucas Zaboot: "Huh? But I thought-"

Sly Fox: "That's The Last Airbender you're thinking of."

Lucas Zaboot: "So this is Legend of Korra then?"

Johnny Zealous: "Nope, not that one either."

Young: "We're covering the James Cameron film?"

Sly Fox: "No, wrong Avatar."

Lucas Zaboot: "Then who the hell are we talking about then?!?!"

Johnny Zealous: "The Avatar from the Ultima franchise. Seriously, do you ever read the notes for our battles?"

Lucas Zaboot: "Ulti-what?!"

Young: "Um, no offense, but I'm not familiar with this "Ultima" either."

Johnny Zealous: "sigh* looks like we're gonna take a while to explain this one. Mr. Max, care to start out?"

Sly Max: "A long time ago in a magical land known as Sosaria lived in peace until an evil wizard named Mondain came forth with The Gem of Immortality and declared his will over all life in the land, with the Gem in his hands, no one could even kill him or hope to stop him with the magic he possessed. Needing a hero, a monarch by the name of Lord British summoned a lone hero from the planet Earth to stop Mondain. He succeeded by going back in time and killing Mondain and obliterating the Gem of Immortality."

Young: "So then he became The Avatar-"

Johnny Zealous: "Nope, after that, Minax, Mondain's apprentice and lover, swore revenge and opened gates all over Earth to invade and kill the murderer of Mondain as revenge. Not taking this sitting down, the hero journeyed across the stars to find the only weapon to stop Minax, the magic Quicksword and end her terrible conquest of Earth and save Sosaria."

Lucas Zaboot: "So then he became The Avatar."

Sly Max: "Nope, cause after that, Mondain and Minax's offspring Exodus began his own invasion on Britannia, forcing this lone hero to return to Sosaria and battle him, finally destroying him by putting in key cards into his computer terminal."

Young: "Wait, what-?"

Lucas Zaboot: "So NOW was he The Avatar?"

Johnny Zealous: "Yep."

Lucas Zaboot: "Finally-"

Johnny Zealous: "But not before he went across the land that was now renamed Britannia and governed by Lord British to master the Eight Virtues, learn their mantras to pray at their shrines, enter the Stygian Abyss to acquire the Codex of Ultimate Wisdom and became enlightened by what he read and brought a new philosophy to the citizens of Britannia to live by."

Young: "...and I thought all the running around in Elder Scrolls IV was ridiculous..."

Sly Max: "To each his or her own, but these games sold thousands of units and were very popular with PC gamers back in the 80's and Ultima IV was Garriott's attempt to flesh out the world he created and make the fantasy RPG genre less about killing people for easy money and more about introspection and self-discovery."

Young: "You mean like Myst?"

-base damage of 28
-fires three arrows in one shot
Arrows
-9 steel bolts
-6 magic arrows
-6 burst arrows

Johnny Zealous: "As with the Dragonborn, trying to find a weapon, let alone four, for The Avatar to use is tricky business since The Ultima series has a plethora of absurd weapons The Avatar finds over the course of his quests. From magic weapons, to Death's Sythe to even a gardening hoe of destruction."

Young: "Wait, what was that about gardening tools?"

Sly Max: "For this bout, The Avatar goes in with a Custom Sword made with balance in mind for it's sword-fighting masters in mind, though it has about as much damage as a common sword."

Johnny Zealous: "Taken from the dungeons of Buccaneers Den, The Avatar wields a Lightning Whip that strikes from four feet away with an electric shock with each crack of the whip as it hits it's target."

Lucas Zaboot: "And he has a throwing axe boomerang? Wish my Box Cuttah could do that."

Young: "Also on him is a crossbow that fires three arrows with one shot for extra damage and range in case some tries to dodge, with a few magic arrows and a few burst arrows, arrows that explode on impact, though this weighs them down as a result, effecting their aim considerably."

Sly Max: "But his most powerful weapon is The Black Sword, a weapon created from an expansion pack to Ultima 7 where a trip to the remains of Castle Exodus to defeat an evil spirit rewarded The Avatar with this sword that houses the demon Arcadian with his power to drink the souls of innocent and evil alike."

Lucas Zaboot: "Touch of death?! Woah, woah, woah, I'm all for taking cheap shots at enemies but that don't sound fair."

Young: "Hate to agree with Lucas but yeah, I thought we agreed no one-hit kill weapons?"

Johnny Zealous: "yes we did, that's why this particular sword as a catch to it."

Sly Max: "Although it has the power to drink the souls of whoever it touches, Arcadian makes the choice to absorb the soul or not. His power cannot work on beings born of magic, like gargoyles, and if the target in mind is safe-guarded from a higher power than Arcadian, like say, The Guardian or gods, he can't even drink them."

Lucas Zaboot: "So what's stopping this blonde asshole from just swinging the sword anyway?"

Johnny Zealous: "Absolutely nothing. Even if the sword doesn't drink the souls of those he fights, he can still fight with the blade anyway."

Young: "Guess that's fair."

ARMOR:
-Plate Armor = +4
-White Tunic (typically worn over armor, bears an Ankh, the symbol of the Avatar)
-Dupre's Shield = +4 (imbued with magic that not only makes it very sturdy against attacks and makes it light to carry in combat)
-Magic Ring (provides periodic healing to the wearer, acquired in the Stygian Abyss)

Johnny Zealous: "While The Avatar is renown for his chainmail and tunic attire, to keep him safe from the Dragonborn's vicious onslaught, he wears plate armor in combination with his signature white tunic bearing the symbol of the Avatar, the Ankh."

Sly Max: "Coupled also with the shield of Dupre, still alive by Ultima 7, which protects from harm thanks to it's sturdy quality and magic imbued within that makes it less of a burden to carry around than most other shields."

Lucas Zaboot: "Magic? This son of a bitch has magic?"

Johnny Zealous: "Yep, both offensive and non-offensive spells, so we selected several that would be of some use in this upcoming fight."

SPELLS:
Non-Offensive:
Change Wind: REL HUR - causes the wind to change direction, useful for sea or air travel
Protection: UUS SANCT - creates a protective force field around the spell-caster
Douse: AN FLAM - puts out fires, not not require reagents to use
Heal: MANI - Heals injuries sustained from attacks
Cure: AN NOX - Cures of poisons inflicted upon the user or others
Negate Magic: AN ORT - stops all magic from being used for a limited time, the books recommend running for it after using this spell
Vanish: AN YLEM - sends weapons or items into the Etheral Void for storage
Reappear: IN YLEM - returns weapons or items sent into the Etheral Void to the spell-caster
Downward Motion: DES POR - Causes your party to sink into the ground to go down a level if you are dungeon crawling

Offensive:
Insect Swarm: KAL BET XEN - summons a swarm of insects to attack your enemies
Fireworks: BET ORT - creates a distracting burst that scares off low-level enemies, no reagents needed and no drain on mana
Magic Missile: GRAV POR - basic offensive magic spell, fires a blue bolt of energy at targets, though it has minimal damage
Flame Field: VAS IN FLAM GRAV - creates a field of fire underneath the enemy
Fireball: VAS FLAM - throws a ball made of Fire
Explosion: VAS FLAM HUR - fires a ball of fire that explodes on impact
Posion Wind: NOX HUR - creates a cloud of poison gas, effects both the enemy and your own party
Clone: IN QUAS XEN - creates an unintelligent clone to fight for you or distract enemies, typically used for cannon fodder

Young: "Geez, that's a lot of spells..."

Johnny Zealous: "Well, it was the ones we chose feeling it would keep him up to par against the Dragonborn."

Lucas Zaboot: "The f*ck's a reagent anyway?"

Sly Max: "Certain spells require a link between the physical world and the magical one, Reagents are chemicals crafted in advance using ingredients like garlic, mandrake root, ginseng, spider silk, black pearls, nightshade, sulfurous ashes and blood moss to put spells into action. Most offensive spells require one or the other ingredient to make them happen, thus this puts a certain limitation on the spells The Avatar can cast since he has a limited amount of reagents created for these spells to function."

Lucas Zaboot: "So if I want to cast a spell to smack Young, what would I need?"

Young: "A good smack to your own face would suffice..."

SKILLS:
-Master swordsman with any weapon in his possession
-Dead eye shot, but not as good as his companion Iolo
-Matched wits with gods
-Experienced Dungeon Crawler (Ultima Underwold is the game that laid the groundwork for The Elder Scrolls franchise)
-Influential religious figure in Britannia to encourage citizens to pursue a life following the Virtues

Johnny Zealous: "Seeing that the Avatar has gone on multiple adventures, both in Britannia and in expansion packs and spin-off stories, it's no surprise that he has done enough fighting than most Call of Duty gamers would ever expect to see in one short life time."

Sly Max: "He is no stranger to weapons small and large, adaptable to any situation placed in and tough as a rock when the going gets tough."

Lucas Zaboot: "So this guy forced two races to stop fighting and look at a book in space to bring peace?"

Johnny Zealous: "Something like that."

Lucas Zaboot: "I dunno about you, but I'm still placing my bets on the guy who can kill his enemies by yelling at them."

WEAKNESSES:
-Still Mortal
-Effected by poison
-Reagents are limited
-still must keep the Virtues in check...most of the time...
-Moongates no longer function post Ultima 7
-EA Games ("Fuck you EA, you killed Ultima, Fuck you,")

Lucas Zaboot: "Okay, okay, so I'm convinced this guy is experienced, but I'm not convinced that this guy is tough."

Sly Max: "Well, you're not too far off from thinking that."

Johnny Zealous: "Despite his impressive resume and range of gear, The Avatar can still be killed from weapons and poisons like anyone else. His best spells require Reagents and depending on how many The Avatar carries or creates before entering battle, he can run out if he keeps using them."

Young: "And I was worried about the Dragonborn's cool down, by the way, why is EA Games listed as a weakness?"

Johnny Zealous: "Um...how do I put this?...You ever watch a TV show that ended it's season with this big finale and then the next season premiere completely ignored all that and served to spout all this information about the previous season that wasn't correct because you watched through the entire season?"

Young: "Yeah?"

Sly Max: "That's Ultima 9 in a nutshell, with worse controls and crash-happy technicals with graphics that make the original Grand Theft Auto III look like a masterpiece."

Lucas Zaboot: "Huh, so it was basically a slap to the face of Ultima fans? Like this?" (Smacks Young across the face again)

Young: "OW! You waited for one! Didn't you?!"

Lucas Zaboot: "Heh heh heh."