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Death Battle - Aquaman vs. Spongebob Squarepants

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Johnny Zealous: "Well, we've counted the votes, reviewed the stats and our fighters are ready to get going. This may be, perhaps, our most anticipated Battle since the Decepticons vs. the Daleks, so anything could happen. Who will win this Death Battle?-"

Lucas Zaboot: "Aquaman. No ands, buts or ifs."

Johnny Zealous: "Are- are you dressed up in an Aquaman costume?"

Lucas Zaboot: "Aquaman for the win."

Johnny Zealous: "sigh* right, well, as they say, let's get it on!"

- -

Stadium of Posiedon, Atlantis

A muscular lobster was flung to the ground as the crowd erupted in cheers and applause for the man standing over this lobster.
"AQUAMAN! AQUAMAN! AQUAMAN! AQUAMAN!" The crowd cheered as the King of Atlantis waved to his subjects in the stands before offering his hand to the lobster and helping him back on his feet.
"You are a fine fighter, Larry. Consider this loss a victory for yourself." Aquaman said assuringly to the defeated lobster.
"You are most kind, your highness. It has been an honor to spar with you." Larry the Lobster said, shaking Aquaman's hand before he turned to his friends, patting him excitedly for taking on Aquaman in a friendly spar for the crowds. Aquaman had been incredibly busy the last few months forcing oil rig construction crew away from his territory and forcing cargo ships carrying weapons back to their shores. He hardly had any time for his subjects, but he hoped a no-killing sparring match with all the best fighters in the ocean would revitalize their respect for him. So far, it was working, his subjects loved the action, Aquaman's sense of fairness with the fights and his sportsmanship to help his opponents up and not seriously harm them, just tire them out until they called it quits.

But not everyone was enjoying themselves.
Way up in the stands sat a yellow sponge with square pants, a squirrel wearing an environmental suit, munching away on nuts inside her suit that gave her life-breathing air and a pink sea star friend with countless snacks in his lap. They were Spongebob Squarepants, Sandy Cheeks and Patrick Star. Although Spongebob and Sandy were enjoying the view, Patrick was not impressed.
"Whoo! All right Larry! Good try buddy!" Spongebob called out supportingly to the lobster.
"Pff, good try nothing. He's not even trying!" Patrick criticized, munching away on his popcorn.
"He wuz trying' Patrick. Aquaman gave 'im a chance and Larry gave it his all." Sandy said to Patrick, Patrick only scoffed.
"He was totally holding back! If I was down there, I'd totally show that guy in pajamas a thing or two." Patrick boasted. This boast, unknowingly, was picked up by the sensitive ears of Aquaman, despite all the cheers around him.
"Alas!" Aquaman called aloud, silencing his subjects. "Do mine ears hear a challenger in the seats who would like to challenge me?" Aquaman called aloud, trying to pinpoint who was talking among the thousands of fish in the seats.
"Yeah! I'd take you on Pajamaman!!" Patrick called out, not even thinking what he's saying.
"Patrick! What are you doing?! Aquaman will beat you to a pulp!" Spongebob said panicky, reaching over to keep his friend from getting up and risking his life.
"Let go of me Spongebob! I'm gonna take that pajamaman on!" Patrick called as Spongebob struggled to get his friend to stay seated. By that time, Aquaman focused on the sounds as his eyes caught the only thing that stood out among the crowd: a bright yellow sponge.
"Ah ha! There you are!" Aquaman called aloud as he summoned his trident to his hand and, with it's power, conjured a water current to push Spongebob out of his seat as he landed in the ring to the loud applause of the audience. "So, you wish to challenge me eh?"
"Uh- Uh, actually, uh your highness, lordship, sovereign…sir…my friend was being silly and I was just-" Spongebob nervously stammered as he seemed to shrink from Aquaman's might.
"Hah! Nonsense dear lad! There is no need to be nervous around me! Am I not a fair ruler to allow a common sea goer to face against me? You should be honored!" Aquaman said aloud in a calm demeanor as he planted his trident into the ground as he walked up to Spongebob.
"W-well I-I a honored, s-sir, it's just, ya know, I just don't, gulp* like to fight kings…" Spongebob tried to explain but Patrick only made matters worse.
"Get him buddy! Mop up the floor with him!" Patrick called aloud, clearly forgetting he had gotten Spongebob into this fight in the first place.
"…thanks Patrick…you're a real pal…" Spongebob said under his breath as he accepted his situation. Spongebob pulled out the karate gloves and pulled the helmet on his head, nervously holding up his hands against Aquaman. In the stands, Spongebob's boss, Mr. Krabs, began taking in bets to make some easy money.
"As I am a fair king, I shall let you throw the first blow, lad." Aquaman said calmly.
"Um…a-are you sure?" Spongebob said worryingly.
"Absolutely! It's only fair to let you feel the pride of a warrior to take the first blow!" Aquaman said, placing his hands on his waist dramatically, pretty much leaving himself open for Spongebob
"Gulp* um…okay…here I go…" SPongebob said nervously.

FIGHT!



Spongebob called out a few Bruce Lee grunts before he leapt into the air and delivered a karate chop to Aquman's chest, which barely even made him flinch.
"Ha! You are amusing spongey lad. But you do not need to hold back, throw your best towards me!" Aquaman leaned over, his face closer to Spongebob's level. SPongebob charged up and delivered another karate chop to his face, once again, not even leaving a mark.
"You are very amusing sponge, but I barely felt a thing. Try harder." Aquman said, his grind fading to a smell as Spongebob only continued to deliver karate chop, kicks or headbutts to Aquaman's face, not even leaving a mark, only causing a strand of Aquaman's hair to fall from it's place as Aquaman's smile faded to a frown.
"The joke is old sponge. Actually try to hit me." Aquaman said as Spongebob, not wanting to disappoint, backed up a way, dramatically leapt into the water, speed lines formed around Spongebob as he landed a kick on Aquaman's nose before falling back on the ground. Not even that left a mark.
"Heh…um…that's all I got…sir…" Spongebob nervously chuckled as Aquaman stood up properly, his  confident smile now a disappointed frown.
"Was that it? I hardly felt anything! Even the lobster's claws had more punch than that!" Aquaman said disappointed as Spongebob stood up feeling dejected. "Well, I've been fair to let you have the first blow, but now, I must trade blows." before Spongebob could respond, a green-gloved fist flew through the water and punched into Spongebob's face, leaving a dent. Aquaman pulled back and looked over the fallen sponge before Spongebob's face popped back out cartoonishly as he looked back up at Aquaman.
"Um…I don't think it worked…sir…" Spongebob said softly, like a child feeling guilty for disappointing a parent. Aquaman landed another hard blow to Spongebob's face, leaving a dent, only for it to pop back out.
"Impossible…it is like you absorb my punches as if you were made out of some sort of…spongey material…" Aquaman said.
"Duh…" Sandy rolled her eyes and said under her breath.

This began to annoy Aquaman, forcing him to deliver a series of rapid-fire punches that would otherwise break a man's ribs and turn his face into chunky salsa. But the result was the same, with each blow, Spongebob's face would pop back out as though the punches weren't even hurting him. He could swear he even heard giggling from the Spongebob when he hit lower. Aquaman delivered a firm punch that sent Spongebob flying over a good yard in space, but the result was the same, his face would pop back out and he would get back up.

"Heh, I guess we can't hurt each other, mister Aquaman, sir…call it a draw?" Spongebob asked nervously. Aquman didn't smile, he reached out for his trident as it flew to his hand.
"Oh no, lad. You've insulted my honor. I must reclaim what honor you have taken from me!" Aquaman said darkly as he pointed his Trident at Spongebob.
"Yikes!" Spongebob ran away as the Trident fired an energy blast towards him. The crowd gasped from this, Mr. Krabs collected more money in support of Aquaman's victory. Spongebob began to run around the stadium with Aquaman firing blast after blast at the yellow sponge, his annoyance rising with this sponge humiliating his warrior status continuously. He eventually got a shot in at Spongebob, who was flung into the wall, causing the audience to gasp aloud. Aquaman felt a sense of pride as smoke rose from the yellow sponge. He turned and tried to leave, but the crowd began to applaud as Aquaman turned and let his eyes widen.
"Impossible…" Aquaman said as Spongebob got up, brushed the sand off his pants and shirt, the large hole where Aquaman blasted him, it began to shrink until it disappeared, a hole sinking into his body, resembling all the others on Spongebob's body. Aquaman grit his teeth as he ran up, his trident in his hands like a bat as he slammed Spongebob like a golf ball out of the stadium. Aquaman watched as the yellow sponge became a dot and his high-pitched scream became distant.
He was finally rid of that nuisance.
Soon, boos were heard from the audience as Aquaman looked around. They weren't applauding him…they were booing him! His subjects were booing him for removing this problem.
"Silence! He was becoming a nuisance to me! He fought bravely but he insulted my honor!" Aquaman called aloud to his subjects. Before he could call for another challenger, the wall smashed out, the debris flew past Aquaman as Aquaman looked back, his jaw dropping as he found himself slammed by a hard force as he was propelled into the wall of the stadium. Aquaman pulled himself out of the wall, the crowds cheering as he looked up and looked at what the crowds cheered for.

Spongebob was back, on a huge boulder, that he had driven all the way from the outside of the stadium. The pioneers use to drive these babies for miles on end and Spongebob was no stranger to how to drive rocks.
"Oh sure, he can drive rocks like a pro." Mrs Puff complained aloud to herself seeing Spongebob leap off the rock in the stadium, "but put him behind the wheel of a boat and he sends 12 people to the hospital!"
Aquaman's anger rose, he picked up his trident as he swam through the water and thrust the trident into Spongebob, the applause from the crowd silenced by this dirty attack. Eventually, Aquaman began to stab at Spongebob constantly until he left Spongebob in pieces. As Aquaman panted from this, the pieces began to move as they bounced around. Aquaman tried to stomp on these pieces as they jumped around, annoying him further.
He slammed his foot down on one piece, but it managed to force Aquaman's foot off it, causing Aquaman to fall back on the ground. As he sat up, the yellow pieces reformed into the yellow sponge with the buck tooth grin and the creepy smile and a high-pitched laugh from which Aquaman's sensitive ears were ringing from.
"Can I help you up your lordship?" Spongebob asked politely, Aquaman only pushed him back.
"No! I am ending this once and for all!" Aquaman placed a hand to his head as he telepathically sent out a signal to the vast reaches of the oceans. After a while, a large shadow formed over the stadium as a huge sea creature appeared over the stadium. The crowd cried out in fear as the monster reached down, by Aquaman's orders, grabbed Spongebob and swallowed him whole.
"There! I am free of this annoyance forever!" Aquaman called out, relieved to finally get rid of this annoyance.
"He's gone! Oh sweet freedom!" Squirdward Tentacles praised aloud despite the boos of the crowd.

But the sea creature began to groan as he twitched slightly. The creature eventually regurgitated Spongebob back out as Spongebob landed on the ground, a spatula in his hand and a Krusty Krab hat on his head, as he put the finishing touches on a Krabby Patty, holding it up to the sea monster.
"Oh well, it was good while it lasted…" Squidward said disappointed to see his yellow neighbor still alive.
"Here you go big fella! You sure were hungry!" Spongebob said gleefully as the monster happily ate the patty.
"You oversized Mollusca! You were supposed to digest this sponge for me!!" Aquaman yelled out, he was losing his cool from this battle with this cleaning tool.
"He made food for me while he was in my mouth and fed me." The giant sea creature spoke in it's mind to Aquaman, "I had not eaten in over a month, he was kind to me…you are not…" The creature bowed it's head before swimming back to it's home. Aquaman, gritting his teeth angrily as he looked down and saw Spongebob holding up a burger to Aquaman.
"Want one? They're de-lish-ouuuuuuus!" Spongebob sang out. Aquaman angrily slapped the burger away as he formed his hand into a hook and began to try to stab this annoyance. Spongebob dodged, stretched and avoided the hook. Aquaman finally got the hook into Spongebob as he grabbed him and tore him in half, letting the pieces fall to the side. Aquaman stared at the half next to him, seeing it's arm twitch. Aquaman reached town and tore out the arm. But he then felt something hit his head, not in a painful way, but in a soft way. He turned around and saw one half of Spongebob, standing on one leg and, using one arm, blew bubbles that flew at Aquaman's face, the soap got into his eyes, stinging them.
"My eyes! My vision has been impaired!" Aquaman called aloud as he rubbed his eyes. During this temporary distraction. Spongebob joined his two halves together as Spongebob finally got it in his head that Aquaman was trying to kill him.
"I was trying to be nice Mr. Aquaman. But it looks like you're making me have to play rough…" rolling up his sleeves, Spongebob dipped the bubble wand into the soap container as he began to move his body. "Spin around, stop. Double take three times. One, two, three! And pelvic thrust! Whoo! Whoo! Stop on your right foot, don't forget it!"
Aquaman's vision finally returned as he turned back to see Spongebob's body taking on absurd shapes. Aquaman had no idea what Spongebob was doing, but he was getting sick of his antics. He went over to pick up his trident as he marched over to Spongebob, at that moment, Spongebob blew into his bubble wand as he formed a very large bubble, forcing Aquaman back as he looked at this bubble, it was as large as a suburban home with a fuse on the top.
"What manner of globule is this?!?" Aquaman yelled aloud as he reached over and popped the bubble.

- -

Up on the surface, a lone fisherman sat in his boat before he noticed some disturbance in the water. He was ready to lean over when, without warning, Aquaman was flung out of the ocean from the impact of the bubble as Aquaman landed on the fisherman's boat, dazed from the explosion.
"Woah…Aquaman? Dude, you okay buddy?" the Fisherman said, shaking Aquaman to stir.
"Nngh…I underestimated that foul yellow cretin…I'm going to destroy him once and for all!" Aquaman got up as he looked to the fisherman, broke his fishing pole, and then leapt into the water, Trident in hand, as he propelled himself downward like a speeding missile. The Fisherman peered over his boat and watched Aquaman disappear into the depths below.
"Far out…"

Back on the ocean floor, the crowds looked over from their seats to see Spongebob picking himself up and looking around.
"Huh, guess he had to use the bathroom." Spongebob thought aloud, unsure of what had happened to Aquaman.
"Spongebob! He's coming right for you!" Patrick yelled out as everyone looked up and saw the force coming right towards them. With an impact like that, all the citizens of Bikini Bottom were in trouble.
"Uh oh. Think Spongebob, think!" Spongebob thought aloud as he looked around for what he could use. His eyes stopped on a child in the audience with a Goofy Goober shirt on. A light bulb popped out of his head and turned on before popping like a bubble above him. Spongebob pulled out a Goofy Goober guitar out of thin water and, after some quick tuning, he began to play a guitar solo to generate energy for his Sonic Wave.
Aquaman swam faster and faster, his eyes focused only on the yellow sponge down in the stadium. He had something in his hand, but Aquaman couldn't quite make it out going at the speed he was going. Some jellyfish got in his way, but he swam right through the school, ignoring the stings as his speed left a huge barrier wave that forced all other sea life back from the speed. Spongebob sped up his solo, not even really trying to create a song or anything, he just needed to gather all the energy he could muster.
Eventually, Spongebob finally aimed his guitar and fired off his sonic wave, just as Aquaman was about 15 feet away from the stadium. The resulting collision of waves created a huge explosion, it shook the entire sea bed, bubbles flew out from the explosion, citizens sitting in their seats were blinded from the explosion as it felt like all the water was sucked out from the impact.

Eventually, the bubbles cleared as all the citizens of Bikini Bottom came out of hiding and looked all around. The stadium was almost ready to collapse, lying on the greatly damaged arena floor was the King of Atlantis, his trident far from his reach, he groaned for a moment before he turned his head and passed out.
"Where's Spongebob?" Someone asked as the crowds looked all around, there was no sign of the spongey manchild, all except for his signature squarepants, covered in sand and dirt. People began to assume the worst as hats were removed to give a moment of silence, when suddenly-
"Look! Up in the sky!" a child called out as everyone turned their gaze to the sky and saw Spongebob, in his underwear, holding onto a Jellyfish net, with several Jellyfish inside, slowing his decent until Spongebob touched down on the ground safely. Spongebob released the Jellyfish who flew away as he then turned and picked up his pants.
"There they are!" He slipped them back on as he turned and realized Aquaman was on the ground. "Mr Aquaman? Are you okay?" Aquaman did not answer him. "Huh, guess he needed to take a nap."
"So…I guess…Spongebob…won?" someone in the crowd said as the crowd was silent for a moment before they erupted in glorious applause. Mr Krabs wept as his money went out to all the people who betted for his star fry cook. Spongebob looked around and grinned at the applause.
"I...won? I won?! I won!! Yay! I did it! Whoo! Bwahahahahahahaha" Spongebob jumped in the water celebrating his victory, laughing his signature high pitched laugh as everyone chanted aloud for their new champion.
"SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!" The crowd chanted as Spongebobs' friends came down, lifted him on their shoulders and gave him a hero's greeting as they carried him out of the broke stadium.

Spongebob made a mental note; whatever day he claimed before, meant nothing.
This was his best day ever.

K.O.



- -

Lucas Zaboot: "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO F*CKING WAY! THERE IS NO WAY HE COULD HAVE WON!!!!"

Johnny Zealous: (just as flabbergasted as Lucas Zaboot is) "I…I don't believe it either…but…you saw it here folks…Spongebob Squarepants just beat Aquaman…"

Lucas Zaboot: "THERE IS NO WAY THE GUY WHO CAN SUMMON SHARKS AND MAKE TSUNAMIS COULD GET HIS ASS BEAT BY A FRY COOK!!"

Johnny Zealous: "I…I'm with you on this one, I have no idea how this could have happened…hold on, the computer is printing out the answers."

Lucas Zaboot: "GOOD! Hopefully it can clear up this mistake!!!"

Johnny Zealous: "Okay, here it is…" (pulls out a paper and reads it over) "The sheet says, 'Aquaman's power and strength truly outmatches any sea creature that came his way, he wasn't, however, prepared for Spongebob's absorbent body and fast regeneration ability?'"

Lucas Zaboot: "Are you serious?!?!"

Johnny Zealous: "Er- 'Spongebob could take all of Aquaman's heaviest blows and still keep on ticking until Aquaman would eventually tire out from exhaustion or Spongebob would get a lucky shot in?' Is this for real?"

Lucas Zaboot: "I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT! I DEMAND A REMATCH! I DEMAND A REMATCH!!"

Johnny Zealous: "Um…well, I guess if the computer calls it, then it much be true…the winner is Spongebob Squarepants…"

Lucas Zaboot: "NOOOOOOO!!!!! ALL THE MONEY I LOST!!!!"

Johnny Zealous: "It…it's just not possible…"

- -

Denia, Spain - 3 hours later

(A figure in a hood walks through the streets in the sun as he passes by a grand five star hotel that overlooks the coast and enters a three star hotel next to it. The stranger asks for a hotel number and is discreetly given a key. The figure pulls back on the hood to reveal the face of Aquaman, unharmed and uninjured. He goes up to the fourth floor as he finds the room. Going inside, he finds a small hotel room with only a few suitcases left out, but nobody inside. Aquaman walks over to a bookshelf, scanning his eyes until he finds a book titled "The Metamorphosis." He pulls on the book as this activates a switch, the bookcase pulls away to reveal behind it a luxurious hotel suite with butlers and maids. Aquaman walks through this suite as he walks up to the balcony where the Death Battle Mafioso known now as Lady-n-Gentleman lies on an balcony chair, comfortably soaking up rays in a two-piece swim suit, a good book in one hand, a glass of Tinto de Verano in the other)

Aquaman: (walking up to the balcony) "I like the view. You can see the water from here."

Felicia: "Quite so. But in your case, I imagine you'd feel more at home in the water than watching over it."

Aquaman: "…I did as you said. I threw the fight with the sponge, I just wish he would put up more of a fight than he did."

Felicia: "Spongebob is just a pawn, he did his part as you did yours perfectly."

Aquaman: "Where is my money? You promised me."

Felicia: (snaps her fingers, a maid walks up with a suitcase, opening it to reveal stacks of money wrapped in plastic to Aquaman who inspects it) "I know you live underwater, so I made sure to have them wrapped up so they wouldn't get soggy."

Aquaman: (he nods as he takes the suitcase and turns back to Felicia) "Thank you ma'am, I appreciate the thought."

Felicia: "You should really thank the Death Battle gamblers. They put so much on you to succeed that they didn't expect you to lose out. The money you helped me to make is enough to pay your fee and my vacation." (takes a drink)

Aquaman: "So then it was you who convinced Nickelodeon to send their poster boy to fight me…you tricked Namor into setting himself on fire…you planned all of this…I'd call you insane if your plan wasn't genius."

Felicia: (only grins) "Now you're being a flirt."

Aquaman: "Not entirely, just being polite. Enjoy your vacation, ma'am." (Aquaman turns and leaves with the suitcase)

Felicia: "Good doing business with you…" (she sits back, setting the book aside as she snaps for a butler to take her drink. She puts her hands behind her head and looks out over the coast) "Heh, I love Spain…"

-To be continued…-
With a special (albeit highly fictionalized) appearance by :iconlady-n-gentleman:

Felicia in a previous Death Battle praised the way his/her character was presented as a crime boss that I felt, it was too good to be left as a joke to be used once, so now, you can almost say, there's some dirty dealings behind the scenes of Death Battle stadiums.

Strange how so many people were voting for Spongebob to win even when I stated this battle was going to be a joke. But oh well, glad to see how many people cared to see the outcome of this fight.
© 2014 - 2024 Volts48
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snitchpogi12's avatar

In the actual Death Battle, SPongebob literally beats Aquaman.