LOTR: Fellowship parody script

Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring Parody script

Elrond: (holds up a crudely made ring) "This is the One Ring of Sauron. When you put it on, it makes the world look like someone went nuts with the Smudge effect on Photoshop. Plus it can make you invisible and it whispers nasty things into your head to make you a zombie. Just like YouTube commenters." (Disappears from sight, leaving the ring behind.)

Frodo: (walks up and picks up the Ring) "Woah, a ring of unspeakable evil…." (long pause as he stares at the ring before responding) "Awesome!"

Gandalf: (comes out of nowhere) "No Fordo! The Ring is evil! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Just take it to the Elf City and leave it there."

Frodo: "Okay."

Sam: (walks up) "Can I come?"

Frodo: "Eh, why not?"

[The two are walking around (supposedly to mean they are travelling) when a Ringwraith (just an actor with a hoodie) pops up and stabs Frodo]

Frodo: "Ow! That doesn't feel good!"

Aragorn: (walks up) "Hey you! Knock that off!" (punches the Ringwraith who falls to the floor in a pathetic manner)

Frodo: (moaning in pain) "Ow! Ow! Ow! Okay I feel better now."

[Scene changes, Elrond comes back]

Elrond: "You must take this ring and go to Mordor and destroy it!"

Frodo: "Shouldn't we book a plane to Mordor instead of walking?"

Elrond: "Ho! Ho! Ho! Oh silly little hobbit! That's what Sauron would EXPECT you to do! He'll never expect you to WALK all the way!"

Frodo: "Oh all right. I'll do it."

Gandalf: (walks up) "I'm going with you! I may be old but I can still kill stuff!"

[Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli overhear "kill stuff" as they raise their heads]

Aragorn: "Kill stuff?! I wanna kill stuff too!"

Legolas: "Me too!"

Gimli: "Take us with you!"

Elrond: "eh, what the heck? Go out and kill stuff, but be sure that Ring gets destroyed."

[The Group marches around in a hallway to symbolize walking]

Gandalf: "I can't believe you talked me into going into these mines. This place is dirty."

Aragorn: "Oh stop whining old man."

Sam: "Mr. Frodo! Look!" (Points, the Fellowship gasps)

Gandalf: "It's the Balrog!" [Cuts to a shot of Lady Gaga] "Run Away!" (The group runs off) "Oh Heart Attack!" (Falls over)

Frodo: (stops and turns back) "Gandalf!"

Aragorn: "Forget him Frodo!"

Frodo: "oh, all right then." (runs off, leaving Gandalf behind)

Gandalf: "You blasted kids!"

[Scene changes]

Legolas: "I can't believe Gandalf is dead."

Aragorn: "Who cares? Look, Orcs."

[Camera shot shows a group of 'orcs' yelling]

Gimli: "orcs…does that mean?"

Legolas: "I think it does."

Aragorn, Legolas Gimli: (said excitably) "KILLING THINGS!!!!"

[The following shots show ludicrous and silly fighting where the actors don't even appear like they really care]

Frodo: (sees some Orcs coming towards him) "uh oh." (pulls out ring and disappears, Orcs run past him, Frodo reappears) "Don't know why I didn't think of that." (walks off)

Boromir: (fighting orcs with a 'sword') "I came around at the last minute to kill stuff! Nothing can stop me!"

[Cuts to an 'orc' with a crudely made bow and arrow as he shoots the arrow at Boromir]

Boromir: "Ooh! That's not supposed to go there!" (Falls over, the orcs run off as Aragorn runs up to Boromir)

Aragorn: "Boromir! You just got shot by an arrow!"

"Boromir: "No sh*t, Sherlock!" (dies)

Aragorn: "oh well." (gets up and goes over to Legolas and Gimli) "well, we don't have anything better to do; let's go get those Orcs and Kill'em!"

Legolas: "Shouldn't we go find Frodo and help him with his quest?"

Aragorn: "What was that? I was too busy thinking about killin' stuff, what were you saying?"

Legolas: (annoyed sigh) "nevermind…"

[scene changes]

Frodo: "Well, Mordor is still a flippin' long way away…"

Sam: "Don't worry Mr. Frodo! We still got at least two movie to get there! I sure hope we don't get attacked by a failed Michael Jackson Surgery patient!"

[Scene changes to Peter Jackson of film talking to the producers at New Line Cinemas]

Peter Jackson: "So, what do you think?"

Producer: (looks unamused, he keeps a straight face as he tears the script in half) "It's brilliant. Go with it."

Peter Jackson: (turns to camera) "Awesome!"

The End